Inferiority Complex

Inferiority complex according to OALD (8th Edition) is a feeling that you are not as good, as important or as intelligent as other people. Actually, this can occur at on age but I feel teenagers and young adults are more susceptible to this sort of feeling. This sort of feeling may arise due to your background, size or possession when compared to others around you. Below are some signs that you are suffering from inferiority complex as compiled from the internet –if you aren’t sure you suffer from it.
Signs of inferiority complex

1. Heightened Sensitivity to Other People’s Opinions. Are you highly sensitive to what others think and say about you? Do you immediately feel small whenever there is a critical comment about you? Don’t feel confident about yourself?
You often take it to heart what others say. You crumble at the slightest remark about yourself. The alarm bells inside your head go ringing, “You are not good enough”.
2. Social Withdrawal. You dislike being in a crowd because you cannot get rid of the sneaking suspicion that you are not as good as others. You would rather not have others find out the truth about how lousy or insecure you are. You hate any forms of comparison, which could be inevitable if you belong to some kind of a group. You prefer to be left on your own.
3. Fault Finding. You have a trained eye in picking up the faults or imperfections about others. Since you do not already feel good about yourself, you may as well cause others to feel poorly too. Thus, no one in your mind can be superior. In other words, you need to make others feel small so that you can look bigger.
4. Place Own Needs Last. Having an inferiority complex can cause you to put your own needs last. You try to brush them aside. However, you are really wallowing in feelings of unworthiness. Over a long time, you start to accumulate anger.
5. You Try To Hide Your Flaws Or Distract People From Them… Without Success
Sometimes people who feel ugly or insecure about their appearance will give up trying to improve it completely. Other times they will
carefully try to hide whatever it is they feel ashamed of:
This could be as simple as wearing baggy dark clothes when you don’t like your body shape.
Or maybe trying to always strike a certain pose in photos.
Constantly checking your reflection in windows and mirrors.
I remember avoiding smiling as much as possible back when I was painfully insecure about my slightly crooked front teeth. I notice teenagers who have braces also often do this, or cover their mouth with their hand when they laugh.
And I suppose some women may wear more makeup when they’re feeling ugly, but I’m no expert here.
All of these examples are ways of trying to control how other people see you, so that you can avoid their judgement of your inferior qualities. All it usually does is make you feel more self conscious and stressed, from all the strained effort and constant alertness.
Things to know that would help you deal with inferiority complex

The first thing you have to know is God loves you regardless your size or possession. So, if God loves you and every other person possibly doesn’t, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
We all cannot be the same, we are all one-of-a-kind species, you are meant to be you and not a copy of another person. It’s okay to aspire to be like someone but still maintain your uniqueness.
Because someone seems better than you today doesn’t mean things would always be that way. Anything can happen that would turn you around for the better.
Not using the latest gadgets or wearing expensive clothes doesn’t make you any less a person.
The person you look at as intelligent or comfortable most likely got there by hard work, so work harder too.
Your background or start influences a lot but you determine where and how you finish.
Lastly, if you love yourself and see yourself as close to perfect –still leaving room for improvement and dismissing ego– then there’s nothing one would say or do that would put you down. So, learn to love yourself.

Note : signs of inferiority complex gotten from www.evelynlim.com and shynesssocialanxiety.com

Real talk: Chastity

Hey guys, today’s post is about chastity, kind of touchy a subject but guess we just got to talk about it. Chastity in simple terms is abstinence from sexual relations or in the words of a popular Nigerian classic; ‘if you love me, you go wait for me.’ Let’s be real here, not all Nigerian teens are chaste, because one has attained the age of puberty with the features very obvious doesn’t mean a teenager is free to live an adult kind of life.
It’s just sad when you hear of an 18 year old fathering or mothering a child – that’s pretty much a child becoming a parent, forget legalities – when at that age such a person is supposed to be planning for the future and how to get ahead in life– right?? I know teenage is a very shaky period of human development when silly ideas can occupy our minds and peers don’t equally help matters – I’m a teenager too– but that doesn’t mean you should fall headlong, hook, line and sinker for any lie, dare or pressure that comes your way. For me, once you can stand your grounds as a teenager i.e. your no’s are no’s and yes, yes then pressures in early adulthood wouldn’t be so much to struggle with.
The truth from my point of view is, not just girls are meant to be chaste as our society subtly suggests (since little is said about the virginity of boys), boys are to be chaste as well. If boys are chaste and older men are sensible then, teenage pregnancy and motherhood wouldn’t be so much of an issue since there’s no one to complement the act. I’d say one of the reasons for unchastity with teens is lack of priorities, if you have a vision for yourself in the next five years after leaving secondary school, I’m pretty sure having a child wouldn’t be on that list. As someone rightly said, ‘something you do that you can’t boldly explain to someone, don’t bother do it.’ at the moment, it may seem cool to you that you have a boyfriend with whom you are probably intimate with but on the long run, is it really cool??
Another factor that promotes unchastity is our media- yes, I said it- our media promotes unchastity in the sense that baby mamas and children born out of wedlock are celebrated especially those of celebrities/public figures. I’m not saying such a child should be rejected, definitely not because a child is a gift from God but neither should they be celebrated like it’s something okay to do, some frail minded teenagers may end up seeing it as a way to go. I know this may sound funny but our value, cultural and moral system is quite different from that of the American movies that we watch where thirteen year old could have a boyfriend or girlfriend – guess I need not say more.
My closing note is this; to my dear teenage girls, think with your heads and learn to search the words of people (guys) around you for falsity and lies because when something goes wrong, you are going to bear it all. To my surest teen boys, being unchaste doesn’t make you a man same as smoking or drinking, it may make you look like a ‘guy’ before you friends but being a man isn’t a measure of how many girls have laid in your bed but what the works of your hand have to show.
Would have said parents should engage their children/teenagers in chats but not sure if a parent is reading this. Finally, sometimes last year I was listening to a show on radio and the question posed was: “If you could advise you 20-year old self what would you say” and quite a number of ladies that called said: “face your studies/books and close your legs”. I may have sounded kind of harsh today but I just don’t want you to fall into the category of people that would wish to give such advice to their younger selves. Thanks for reading this.