Oh!!! Harmattan is here again

    Thank goodness, harmattan is here after the wicked heat earlier in the year. Surely, everything that is good has its own disadvantages and that’s what this article contains. Harmattan can be sweet at times and other times pretty harsh. Below are some up and downsides that I have noticed about harmattan.
06 reasons harmattan sucks

• You have to rub like three layers of cream or until your skin looks presentable...
• ...And it still looks white some hours after creaming.
• Your nostril get dry fast and menthol becomes your best friend (and it could possibly bleed as well).
• You tend to seek warmth regularly.
• Your lips get cracked / chapped quickly.
• You find it difficult to perform any form of strenuous activity or sport due to chest discomfort and breathing difficulties.

6 reasons harmattan rocks

• Heavy clothing dry faster.
• You get to use that nice cardigan you haven't used probably all year.
• The weather seems cool compared to the dry season.
• For those of us who do not pay so much attention to our skins, this season makes us a little more attentive to it.
• You get to layer as often as you wish.
• You save more energy because you don't really need the A.Cs or fans.

     These are my up and downsides to harmattan. Why do you look forward to harmattan? What makes you wish harmattan passes quickly? Please share with us.

Real talk: Chastity

Hey guys, today’s post is about chastity, kind of touchy a subject but guess we just got to talk about it. Chastity in simple terms is abstinence from sexual relations or in the words of a popular Nigerian classic; ‘if you love me, you go wait for me.’ Let’s be real here, not all Nigerian teens are chaste, because one has attained the age of puberty with the features very obvious doesn’t mean a teenager is free to live an adult kind of life.
It’s just sad when you hear of an 18 year old fathering or mothering a child – that’s pretty much a child becoming a parent, forget legalities – when at that age such a person is supposed to be planning for the future and how to get ahead in life– right?? I know teenage is a very shaky period of human development when silly ideas can occupy our minds and peers don’t equally help matters – I’m a teenager too– but that doesn’t mean you should fall headlong, hook, line and sinker for any lie, dare or pressure that comes your way. For me, once you can stand your grounds as a teenager i.e. your no’s are no’s and yes, yes then pressures in early adulthood wouldn’t be so much to struggle with.
The truth from my point of view is, not just girls are meant to be chaste as our society subtly suggests (since little is said about the virginity of boys), boys are to be chaste as well. If boys are chaste and older men are sensible then, teenage pregnancy and motherhood wouldn’t be so much of an issue since there’s no one to complement the act. I’d say one of the reasons for unchastity with teens is lack of priorities, if you have a vision for yourself in the next five years after leaving secondary school, I’m pretty sure having a child wouldn’t be on that list. As someone rightly said, ‘something you do that you can’t boldly explain to someone, don’t bother do it.’ at the moment, it may seem cool to you that you have a boyfriend with whom you are probably intimate with but on the long run, is it really cool??
Another factor that promotes unchastity is our media- yes, I said it- our media promotes unchastity in the sense that baby mamas and children born out of wedlock are celebrated especially those of celebrities/public figures. I’m not saying such a child should be rejected, definitely not because a child is a gift from God but neither should they be celebrated like it’s something okay to do, some frail minded teenagers may end up seeing it as a way to go. I know this may sound funny but our value, cultural and moral system is quite different from that of the American movies that we watch where thirteen year old could have a boyfriend or girlfriend – guess I need not say more.
My closing note is this; to my dear teenage girls, think with your heads and learn to search the words of people (guys) around you for falsity and lies because when something goes wrong, you are going to bear it all. To my surest teen boys, being unchaste doesn’t make you a man same as smoking or drinking, it may make you look like a ‘guy’ before you friends but being a man isn’t a measure of how many girls have laid in your bed but what the works of your hand have to show.
Would have said parents should engage their children/teenagers in chats but not sure if a parent is reading this. Finally, sometimes last year I was listening to a show on radio and the question posed was: “If you could advise you 20-year old self what would you say” and quite a number of ladies that called said: “face your studies/books and close your legs”. I may have sounded kind of harsh today but I just don’t want you to fall into the category of people that would wish to give such advice to their younger selves. Thanks for reading this.

Bullying: Dealing with bullying

   I’m pretty sure that you would agree that bullying is something that happens on a regular basis in schools. Most of the times, the victims of bullying are the younger teens (that’s not to say that some older teens aren’t bullied) and the bullies bigger and more mature physically than the victims. To me, bullies bully because they probably feel inadequate and reckon that unnecessary show of power can make them look less inadequate. Alternatively, it may have to do with upbringing, say; they are the firstborn and constantly have authority over their younger siblings with possibly no one to oppose their “authority” or they probably grew up in an abusive home and feel that the only way to be heard is by bullying.
   Looking at the other side of the coin though, some bully just because they can and others to gain acceptance of a specific group of people- or they just like the smell of trouble. Having said that, here are some ways to avoid and deal with bullying:

If you are still in secondary school has “zero-tolerance” for bullying, report to the required authority. Even though you might have been threatened, it’s better to take your chances and speak out.

Speak about it at home: even though being bullied isn’t something to be proud of, speaking to somebody about it at home could help a lot. The chances are; the bullies are punished and they would probably call you mummy’s boy/girl (guess that wouldn’t hurt much as long as the bullying ends) or you get withdrawn if it’s really bad.

Set your boundaries: if you are new to a place, it’s best to set your boundaries i.e. know those to mingle with, those to smile at and those to speak to often and not. Some people may interpret this as pride or being rude but I believe it’s better that than being bullied for no strong reason- not like there’s a good reason to bully though.

  It’s not every bully that setting boundaries would work for, for some you would have to warm up to them. Yes, warm up to them because like I said earlier, some people bully because of their insecurities, let them understand that violence doesn’t bring peace and it doesn’t always mean they would get their way or make their mark through violence. Bottom line, some bullies may seem hard on the outside but soft on the inside, so pick at the softness.

Fight back: not like I support violence, but sometimes fighting back would end your being bullied- especially if it’s just a person. Some people might bully you because they sense that you are weak and when you fight back, you prove them wrong, even if neither of you wins the fight –so to speak– besides we are always admonished to face our fears. Fighting back would at times make your bullies see you as someone not to be messed with and that should ward off any potential bully.
  If you were once bullied please do tell us how you dealt with it in the comments.

Codes of friendship

        

We all have friends, am sure of that. I was just thinking one day and came up with these “codes” of friendship that would likely improve your friendship.

1. Friendship is a two-way traffic just like any other relationship; it doesn’t have to be the same person calling and texting all the time. If you truly consider the person as your friend, check up on them once in a while.
2. Cos someone helps you every time you ask doesn’t mean you should take the person for a ‘ride’.
3. Never see your friend as a burden, you never know when you never know when the tables could turn around.
4. Speaking untruthfully about your friend is a no-no. don’t make your friend look bad so as to look good.
5. Jealousy/envy and friendship don’t go together. It’s okay to admire your friend but when that begins to turn to subtle hate and wishing bad stuff, it has gone wrong. BTW, you are two different people.
6. It’s alright to have a laugh at a friend when something silly happens but it isn’t okay to constantly create scenarios where the friend is the object of ridicule.
7. Your friends would always have other friends even if it’s your bestie. So don’t give way to any iota of jealousy when your friend does a countdown to another friend’s birthday or something of that sort.
8. Never forget the friends that stayed by you and encouraged you during the hard times, they are rare assets.
9. Always look at things from different angles before drawing conclusions. Cos someone (your friend) doesn’t reply your text immediately you send it doesn’t instantly mean the person is ignoring you, it may just be that the phone is out of reach or they are low on credit or bars or a whole possibilities.

Things you never knew about your very Nigerian parents

   Even though they may be seemingly insatiable at times, you have no choice but to be tolerant because they are your parents. At times we may have the feeling that our parents have little love for us because they hassle us on a regular basis as regards studies as well as other things and may not grant our wishes for reasons best known to them but trust me a majority of them care for you –being that not all parents are meant to be parents.
   Below are a couple of things you probably don’t know about your parents:
+ They love you even though they may not show it
+ They hurt just like you do: them being your parents doesn’t mean they are not human or don’t have feelings. So, be careful how you speak to them or treat them cos they don’t like being hurt just like you too * or do you? *
+ They push you so hard because they want you to go beyond where they stopped: seems to me like most Nigerian parents want their posterity to be greater than they are –as it should be. So the next time you get troubled to do something that is mainly for your benefit don’t misunderstand their action.
+ They go through a lot just for our good many-a-time: the fact that your parents don’t trouble you with this doesn’t mean it isn’t so, therefore try and see reasons with them on certain situations especially when they don’t meet your needs pronto.
+ They maybe don’t have the resources when it looks like they have forgotten: I’m sure you can attest to the fact that Nigerian parents can be pretty forgetful, but has it ever occurred to you that they just don’t have the resources right then. Please I beg of you remind them but not in an annoying or stupid manner cos like I said they have feelings too.
+ They forget real fast: I know I may sound contradictory right now but as a result of quite a number of things to think about, they tend to forget things both important and unimportant easily. It takes some wisdom to remind them of things especially if they are hot-tempered.
+ They worry about you: even though you don’t see it written all over them *especially the dads*, there is always an iota of worry in them as regards you. It won’t be nice to go out without telling them or calling them to notify them about your late arrival or not informing them when you have issues they probably ought to know about.
+ They can be very investigative: when they want to be, they can pass for a ‘Sherlock Holmes’ because they can find out what they want to even though you don’t think they can.
    I hope you have some more understanding –regardless how little— about your parents’ demeanour and you get to treat them better.
PS: This write up is based on my Nigerian parent experience.